The Intimacy Snare, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and effects.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in other to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in city locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' additional resources man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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